My (35, F) life's efforts are finally reaching an apex where I am about to embark on one of the biggest life-changing academic journey one can endure, which I am equal parts excited for and terrified of.
Despite what some may infere about such fear during a significant transition, my fear is not facilitated by the chance of failure, but rather, by the fact that I am continuously robbing myself of time where I can love who I have become and reap the fruits of my labors - If I do not lose this weight, my health, in both the physical and mental sense, will continue to decline.
In the past year I have put on 30 lbs, resulting in my weight ballooning up to nearly 270 lbs (5'9"). And though I would like to pretend that this gain is unexplained, I can identify extrinsic factors which are furthering my weight gain. Even more, I cannot seem to adress them without first addressing the intrinsic dyfunction with.
Indeed, my coping mechanisms for stress have always been food related, but have become even more so now that my very few existing relationships are falling apart. Between my biological Dad dying from alcoholic-related liver cancer, to my adoptive mom wanting to only interact through a push- pull dynamic, to my long-term relationship's flame burning out, food has been my only constant and comfort. And, to be fair, my body is tightly holding onto trauma. Just earlier this week, a hug from my academic mentor brought me to tears. Even a year+ on antidepressants and even more time attending weekly counseling, nothing seems to help. I am "living" within true apathy and cannot find a way out.
Throughout time, I have started weightloss plans, stuck with them for 3-8 weeks, then revert right back to old habits. I use to go for walks and do aerobic videos, but cannot stay consistent to where such efforts become habbit. It's like I have an inability to thrive, despite strong desires to do so.
At this point, I could really use some support and guidance. I am not afraid of work and challenging myself, so any suggestions or perspectives are greatly appreciated. What can I do? Where can I start? Why do I feel emotional when I try to workout? Is there still hope for me to become healthy and enjoy life again?
Please, what has worked/is working for you?
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/l7iQR0d
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