I can't take this cycle anymore

I'm 33M, 6ft2 and over 280 lbs.

I think I'm the heaviest I've ever been.

I've done every diet under the sun. When I was 25, I managed to use fasting to help me lose weight. Keto has worked subsequently. But now I can't seem to get anything going.

I'm trying to track calories but then I just cheat. I don't even know why.

I have ADHD and find cooking really challenging to maintain. I mostly buy sandwiches and chocolate from the supermarket. I always binge at least a day's worth of calories in a single sitting.

So much of my eating is done in the car as I drive to and from work.

I am disgusted by myself. I deeply want to stop. I don't know why I can't. I don't know what to do anymore, but looking at my mum who is still trying fad diets in her 60s, it feels like it'll never end.

EDIT: My mistake - in the UK we usually go by stone. I'm 20 stone - which is like 280lbs.

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