Hi guys,
Long time lurker but never posted to Loseit.
Ever since I was a little boy I've had weight issues. My earliest memories were being a pudgy little kid being made fun of by other kids everywhere I went. Being bullied was a regular occurrence.
Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, I began fighting back when people would degrade me and try to hurt me. Being bigger than most it wasn't hard to shut people up but I believe it ultimately led to me becoming a bit of a pariah and having people avoid me and whisper behind my back instead of to my face. I feel a lot of social awkwardness, insecurity and self-esteem issues were born of those younger years.
As I grew up I never really did get any smaller. There were stints where I would lose 20, 30, 40 pounds here and there but is always end up back where i started. Sometimes I'd go months eating healthy and being active which definitely made me feel better but I could never sustain it. Binge eating was a major issue that always returned with a vengeance. When I graduated highschool I was around 300 pounds and eating healthy and was very active. I ran approximately 5K every other day and felt great.
About a year and a half into university things began to nosedive. I became severely depressed and started taking Effexor which definitely didn't help with my weight. I ballooned up to around 360 pounds. I continued to lose and gain in a window of about 330 to 360 pounds for a couple of years.
Then during 2016-2017 I started down the path of drug abuse. Through a combination of being incredibly sick and even more broke I would go days sometimes without much to eat. I worked in a bakery at the time so the odd slice of bread kept me from starving totally. By the end of it I was around 250 pounds. The absolutely lowest I've ever in my life known myself to me. I didn't even really notice I was dropping so much weight until one day my girlfriend at the time said "you're so hot" and I began noticing I was thinner. The veins were visible in my forearms, my stomach was flat, my thighs had a gap between them. I felt like shit but I was so happy with how I looked. That lasted until I finally put a stop to my drug abuse and then the weight came right back.
And here I am now. A year sober from drugs but very much addicted to food as always. It feels like I swapped one addiction out for another. I cannot control myself. I've spent time and countless dollars seeing a psychologist to little avail and have been on a waitlist for 6 months to see a psychiatrist for my binge eating.
Ive read so much on losing weight and getting healthy. I've tried to involve others. I've done keto. I've done carnivore. I've tried eating balanced meals. I've become active. I've become very very healthy for weeks or months at a time.... But it never lasts. I just cannot break the cycle for good. Not long enough to make a difference.
I'm 25 now and currently 375 pounds. I'm finding breathing is becoming more labored. I have no energy and my mood is an absolute train wreck all the time. I don't know how to combat this anymore. I'm so incredibly depressed and sick. I'm always bloated and on the verge of throwing up. All I want to do is eat. I just don't know how to cope with the feelings that swallow me when I'm bored or lonely or feeling down on myself.
I'm asking for any and all advice from the bottom of my heart. How do I crush this for good? How do I break the cycle and learn to live healthy for life? Thank you all for taking the time to hear my plea. I appreciate you even being here.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2yJJBex
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