How do I get my motivation back?

How do I get my motivation back? I keep getting motivated to workout + eat healthy every month bc I want to do ballet and musical theatre. Yet Everytime I want to start I feel myself making excuses, or getting bouts of depression or feeling lazy or burnt out or tired and it's driving me crazy.And my "support system" is Just my family who thinks body shaming me is the best way to motivate me. And I don't have any friends. I have a BED and I binge when I feel negative emotions especially stress from social anxiety and sadness from everyone (even my parents) picking on me and yelling at me. I don't really think scaring myself/ seeing morbidly obese people struggle does anything but disturb me so idk what to do

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