SW: 260 CW: 208 GW: 170, atleast.
Wow, more then 50 pounds! Why was my fiance celebrating it more then I was? Well, it's because I feel like I haven't reached anything worth celebrating. Im not happy in body and I haven't reached specific personal milestones in my physical appearance.
Sure, me at 260 pounds wouldn't BELIEVE I made it this far. I used to think at 260 pounds that I would be that size my whole life. I look in the mirror and still see me as 260.
Body Dismorphia is no joke and it's a struggle every day to feel like I can celebrate my achievements. Any time I try on a new piece of clothing, I immediately find a fault in my body.
"My waist isn't shapely enough for this top" "These shoes look great but my calves are too big for it to look good" "I haven't gotten my upper arm surgery yet so I don't feel comfortable showing my arm fat in sleeveless tops"
It's like I can NEVER give myself a break. I'm always hyperfocused on specific things that aren't perfect on my body and it sends me into waves of anxiety and embarrassment of my self. Shame and guilt are soon to follow.
I'm going to the gym 2 - 3 times a week and doing a calorie deficit. Ive lost 8 pounds in the last 2 months, going slow and steady. I'm not happy and I'm always physically uncomfortable. Add on the fact of the lose skin, it's a struggle.
I hope I can get relief soon because it's been really rough. I know losing weight is supposed to be gradual. I just hope as I lose more, I get more comfortable in my body. Be able to pick clothes out and feel happy the first time I put it on. Not nit pick myself. Not judge.
Thanks for the read.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/taNYUyM
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