How do y'all count calories without spiraling

I'm 25 F and the heaviest I've ever been (225 lbs and 5'7"). I'm constantly uncomfortable, I hate my body, and I feel like it changes how other people interact with me. I need to lose weight.

And I know it all boils down to a calorie deficit. But everytime I start counting calories, it starts off great and then I start spiraling. I start at like 1,200 to 1,500 calories and then by the end of the month I somehow convince myself that I don't deserve that many calories and start restricting more and more until I'm at like 300 a day and then I binge eat a bunch of crap because it's there an I'm hungry. And then I give up.

So how do you guys not spiral? Is it just me? Halp pls.

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