I have always been hypercritical of my body for as long as I could remember. Hated looking in the mirror, hated trying on clothes in store, hated being in pictures. I dreaded summer when weather-appropriate clothes meant having my arms exposed, and clothes catered to my age group consisted only of crop tops and bodycon sundresses. And for the record, this hate was only ever directed toward myself— other women, larger and curvier than myself, in these outfits looked beautiful, but I could never give myself the same grace.
My fiancé proposed last April, and after the initial excitement, I started thinking of how anxious I was going to be wedding dress shopping, and how I wouldn’t be able to stand looking at our wedding photos. I refused to have our special day marred by my insecurities, so I immediately began my weight loss journey, pushing any wedding planning off until I was close to my goal weight.
While I’ve made countless attempts at losing weight throughout my life, I have never been as successful as I have been with 1200isplenty. I’m down 30lbs, currently at my goal weight, and omg — this is the first time in my entire life that I love my body. I stare in the mirror in the morning, I’m looking forward to summer and wearing tight dresses, bikinis (!!! That show off my stomach!!), I don’t mind having candid pictures of myself taken.
Best of all, I can actually look forward to my actual wedding, without being dragged down by my insecurities. I went to my bridal dress appt last week, and it wasn’t until today that I realized I didn’t have a single moment of self-consciousness in the entire hour and a half session of trying on several tight dresses under a glaring light, in front of multiple mirrors that showed me in every angle, being flaunted on a pedestal for my family and other nearby bridal parties to see. I didn’t once hold my tummy in an attempt to cover up my muffin top, I didn’t tuck my arms to my sides to obscure my arm flabs. I didn’t come out of the appt feeling absolutely exhausted, dejected, and settle for the first dress that hid my bodily insecurities the best.
Instead I got to be nit picky about minor dress details, like how I like the lace train on this dress, but the embroidery better on that train. Or how this dress felt nice and lightweight for my tropical wedding, but that dress made me feel all glitzy and glam. I felt PRETTY in every single dress I tried on that day, and didn’t have a single insecure thought. In the end I picked out a dress I never thought id EVER feel comfortable wearing— a tight, backless, trumpet silhouette, with sheer (!!) detailing on the bodice and spaghetti straps (my arms are showing!!). I’m so excited to wear it post-alterations, and to see how it’ll look in pictures. Most of all, I’m so excited to feel as pretty as my fiancé has always seen me :)
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