It’s been two and a half months. Since i’ve restarted my journey, for the seventh time, at a larger weight than the first.
I immediately filled the empty time with the gym. Every day after work, I’d go lift. This is the first week where I’m questioning why I’m even putting in all this effort.
I just want to go on autopilot again. I’m tired of working at something to distract myself from falling back into the cycle. Something about it all seems counterintuitive. I miss not feeling like I have to do something.
The first couple of months, being consistent in the gym was exciting. It made me focus on other aspects of my life too. Today I got home from work, sat on my bed, and I asked myself why I was feeling so down about it all. Simply put, it’s just not exciting anymore. Discipline isn’t exciting. I’m exhausted of it. And even with all of this said I don’t know if there is something in me that will make me go back to how i was and have the cycle start again for an 8th time. I have too much will power to give in at this current stage, but I feel stuck in this limbo space. I miss being satisfied, even if it was the food, the laziness, video games all day. Even if it wasn’t what was best for me.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2IJrw0Z
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