My girlfriend and I started losing weight together again in January. She lost 11lbs, I lost 23lbs, and after that, she kind of gave up. And then, so did I - the running/biking/lifting/calorie-counting partner I had was no longer doing any of those things.
We both backslid. She claims to have gained back the "weight and then some," while I'm up about 13 pounds (as of this morning).
While she still says that she "needs to lose weight," she does not outwardly make any efforts to alter diet or activity level. Rather, she has doubled down on "body/fat positivity."
Please understand that I do not think that this is inherently a *bad* thing. We've both struggled some with strangers, family, and even doctors (I had a doctor tell me to exercise and lose weight when I came in to ask about a shoulder that pops out of its socket - I did those things and it got worse, but only when I'd lost weight was I told by anyone that it's a specific condition) telling us that our weight (neither one of us is really "the big show" to begin with, so this is pretty audacious) is a terrible thing that's causing all the problems and things would be better if we were smaller. We both used to be - and not really that long ago (we're now in our 30s). I think that it is important - essential, even - for a person, no matter their size, to feel/be comfortable with themselves, and that whatever they choose to do with their bodies is between themselves and their doctors.
My disconnect (I suppose) is that she still thinks she needs to lose weight. I don't mind her as she is, I think she's beautiful and wonderful, but I also sympathize - *I* need to lose weight to feel better and fit into my nice clothes again. She thinks we should just buy new clothes so we can feel better about ourselves.
I don't think that either of these stances is right or wrong. I see both as a way of self-improvement.
Since gaining weight again (I *always* gain/regain weight this time of year, as a stressed-out teacher, mind you), I have been more fatigued/lethargic than before (a couple of months ago), slept poorly (stress, also), and had more joint and muscle pain. I do not feel good on a daily basis, and I do not feel like I look good anymore. She will tell me the opposite (of the latter, at least), and that's helpful to hear, but it doesn't make me (physically) feel better at all.
We both have families with histories of heart disease. I've had relatives die of heart attacks/cardiac arrest in the past decade. Her mother survived a heart attack when we started dating just a couple of years ago. While she insists that "weight alone" isn't an indicator of health and can cite whatever (studies and anecdotal examples) showing that fat people can be as healthy as or healthier than "normal"-sized people, I'm not so sure it matters specifically to us.
Getting started on my own again is fine, but getting started on my own while living with the person I used to plan meals and exercise and everything with, who doesn't do it anymore, is hard. I even feel guilty sometimes for setting up my exercise bike or doing a few sets of free weights. I'll ask to go for a run, and if she doesn't want to, I just don't, either.
I guess this post is more about me "getting it out there," because I'm not sure what questions to ask. Maybe looking for general advice. Maybe my girlfriend's depressed.
Maybe *I'm* depressed.
Maybe all of the above. Who knows?
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2WPha5H
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