I realize I am living the same life I lived when I was 13. I don’t have to be the fat girl anymore. It feels good to say it, even better to know it. I have reached a weight of 181lbs, I was this heavy before I lost it all the first time, I can do it again. My goal weight is 140 lbs by June 13, 2020. I am afraid I lost the person I was, the one who felt everything so very deeply. I want her back. I drove past the old orchard the other day, my dream house hidden in a field of dandelions. I nearly cried when I remembered what pure joy I felt there, right now I only have a memory of joy and not the actual thing. Confidence, happiness, comfort; they are all a memory right now. It’s hard to lose it, especially in this house, but summer has only just begun and I won’t be here long. 41 lbs to go in a year and a month. Lord help me.
Edit: Just and honest note to myself
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2vSoNwo
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