I've been biggish since I was a teen. I've dieted on and off my whole life. I've done all of them, low-carb, keto, soup, "just making better choices", starving. All of it.
I gained a big amount after I got pregnant with my first child and never got the weight off. Stopped being biggish and gained the ever so wonderful adjective of obese. I lost a lot for our wedding and gained it all back.
I've been divorced now for 7-8 years. I've done incredibly well for my kids and myself careerwise, and I've worked many, many hours to get to the position I'm in now. For years, I let my personal life, my social life, walk right by me, cause I honestly didn't want to meet people at the weight I was. I'd meet someone online, lose a bit, then cut contact and gain it back. Or i'd have a big date coming up, an arrangement, a party I couldn't avoid and I'd lose some again... And gain it all back.
I hated being in loss of control on this one vital area in my life. I hated being tired, I hated being out of breath from going up a flight of stairs. I hated knowing I was letting my life pass me by and I knew I'd regret not doing something serious about it, when I got old. I would have missed the best years in my life, watching Netflix every night when the kids had gone to sleep.
Then someone in this sub wrote "Losing weight is just math".
... And it clicked.
I'd always been so disheartened when I'd gained on the scale after doing so well diet-wise the day before. So dissapointed and I'd drop the diet with a "I'll start again on monday" promise to myself. Sometimes I would, most often it'd take weeks or months and lots of self-loathing to start again.
But weight-loss being math? That was something I could work with.
So I started counting calories and logged everything in Lose It (so much better than MFP! 😍) and tracking my weight in Libra. Knowing exactly how many calories I had eaten, KNOWING that even if I hadn't lost the next day of if I'd gained, I'd know it was probably water retention. And sure enough, a few days later, I'd lose double of what I expected.
I've never been hungry in the morning and over time I turned OMAD. I rarely go over 1200 kcals - but I eat until I reach the 11-1200 mark. My appetite goes away quite quickly and I used to eat just 500 kcals a day for a week when the self-loathing had peaked, but I'd get tired, annoyed and (surprise!) dizzy, resulting in me having a shorter fuse ... And crashing and binging.
So now I'm OMAD, 1200 kcals a day and I've done it for 63 days. I'm 26 lbs down. My knees don't hurt anymore. I'm fitting into a size 16 black trenchcoat I've wanted to wear for years. I'm at the weight where I start feeling like me again... Yes, I still have a long way to go, but I feel less like the elephant in the room. I'm thick AF, but on a scale I can live with.
This is the point where I tend to start slacking because I feel better about myself... And end up gaining it all back. Never again.
I always ate whatever I wanted, when I was out for dinner. "Is fine, I'll be back on the diet tomorrow". Earlier this week, when having dinner out with my kids, I ordered pork tenderloin with a baked potato (!!) and salad. I have never, ever before not ordered fries if it was on the menu. Yesterday I had lunch out, and I got a pork chop with a big salad.
I feel different. For the first time in my life, I'm losing weight for me. Not for a date or a holiday I'm going on. For me. I feel like the whole "it's a way of eating, a new lifestyle"-saying finally makes sense. It's like finally understanding the rules of a game I've been trying to play for two decades.
I'm optimistic. I know my possible downfall is feeling fine being curvy and thick and hourglassey in a size 14-16, but I'm gonna push through it, goddammit. I will not selfsabotage this time.
Thank you, all of you, for being a daily inspiration to keep on trucking. To you who wrote the "Losing weight is math", I owe you a million hugs. ❤
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2vrE6vM
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