I remember feeling miserable as fuck with my self esteem and mental health in the gutter, looking for any hope I could find. My future felt bleak, and I wasn’t excited about life. Not to say that my weight gain resulted in my depression, but they definitely played into each other as I got worse. Around June, last summer, I contemplated suicide and felt relief at the prospect of not living anymore. One day, though, I was perusing reddit and came across this sub. I wrote something about not being able to believe I had let myself go from a marathon runner at 115lbs to 155lbs in three years. I got a ton of support from the community and for some reason, I remember going to bed with a glimmer of desire to try waking up the next day and making it different than the days before- to start eating healthier, to start walking more, to start nourishing my body. I made an appointment with a psychologist around the same time and began psychotherapy for depression, anxiety and trauma. Although I had already known I was hurting myself, I started to make SENSE of how/why I was self-destructing.
Since then, I’ve been on a journey to find self-love, acceptance, and to re-organize my identity from one that emphasizes how I look to who I AM. I like electronic music. I enjoy helping people (hence being in a helping profession). I like nature, being in nature. I am emotionally sensitive and empathic, and it’s not a bad thing. I don’t like bubble tea, and I won’t pretend to like it to fit in. I am not 5’6 and do not have the body type of Gigi Hadid- she is beautiful, but she doesn’t define beautiful- so it’s okay that I don’t look like her. I am a vegan because I want to make a positive impact on the environment. I have curly hair, and I consider it lucky now. I like music and art. I’m learning to play guitar, and sometimes I give up on things too easily when they become a challenge, but that’s just my learning process- it goes in waves- that’s okay. I worry about little things sometimes. But I worry when I care, and that’s a good thing. I’m working on alleviating my responses to anxiety provoking situations, but I don’t consider it my enemy anymore. I find purpose in comforting others, being there for others. I find self love in surrounding myself with people and things that allow me to grow and continue learning about myself.
All this to say- thank you, Reddit! You got the ball rolling for me to get the help I needed at my darkest time. Since that awful day, I’ve lost 20lbs. It might not seem like the biggest accomplishment to some, but it’s huge for me! And recognizing this made me realize that it’s not just the physical weight that’s come off of me- I feel emotionally lighter, happier and more optimistic. 😊 24 more to go!
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2X8RgcO
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