I love food more than I hate being depressed about my weight

I have a deep rooted problem of feeling like I have to be so thin to attract more people. Since I was about 9 years old, I've felt bigger than other girls. I've never been obese but most of the time since then, I've been at least 5 pounds more than I probably should be. For the past few years, I don't even weigh myself on the scale b/c I'm afraid. I'm 23F, 5'4 and maybe 140 pounds at least. I'm naturally pretty curvy I guess. Weight is a huge issue in my mom's side of the family, despite all of them being thin. My mom particularly has been the main cause of my huge insecurity about this. I love her. She's a good person. But, I think the worst thing she's ever done in terms of parenting has been comparing me to other girls, in terms of weight. It's like, being the slightest bit overweight is unacceptable to her. There have been three times over the years when I've lost a good amount of weight, mostly due to exercise. But, unfortunately, I just inevitably gain it all back. I just can't keep it down. How do some people maintain a really thin figure? I don't get it. I'm tired of it. A lot of time, it just causes self-loathing. I want to figure out a good way to lose 25-30 pounds and stay that way.

submitted by /u/JordanLeigh7
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