I’m lost, I’m scared... when will I have my day 1?

I’m fat and I know that in the back of my mind but sometimes when I look in the mirror I don’t feel very ugly. Sometimes I’m scared I can’t see what I actually look like. My weight is effecting my life. I’m lazy, unmotivated, I become tired so easily. I get short of breath walking up stairs and try to avoid them. I’ve tried every diet, and I’ve had some success but always short term. I am 28/F/ CW: 263 GW: 180. I am a mother of two, an 8 year old and an 8 month old. All my weight started packing on when I was pregnant with my first. I was young, alone, very very depressed and my families was so embarrassed of me. I ate for comfort and it really never stopped. I have no self control, I can’t eat a slice of cake. I have to eat 3 slices of cake throughout the day. I don’t know why I cannot grasp the concept of how food can be bad for me. I suck at planning and prepping. I also have no support system. My husband also has put on a ton of weight and he complains about it but also does nothing. I’ve tried to eat healthy and he will complain it’s too expensive or bring fast food home. I know this is just a bunch of rambling. I’m laying in bed after eat thanksgiving leftovers trying to get the energy to wrap presents with my daughter. Something I love. I feel weak and disgusting but for some reason it’s never enough for me to say today is the day. What is wrong with me?

submitted by /u/everyoneisanashole
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