I’m a woman.
I have known this about my weight, and I’ve ignored it. It seems ridiculous.
I’ve identified as “queer” since college, but I’ve only ever dated men. And I’m not very public about it. And I guess it feels like a cop out because it’s so ambiguous a word that I don’t need to explore the possibility that I might be a lesbian.
I haven’t been sexually attracted to a man since I was a teenager. I only ever feel sexually attracted to women, and I’ve always been MORE attracted to women since I was a kid.
Honestly, I always felt like I was too ugly to date girls.
Like I’m not enough of a girl myself, how could a girl possibly be into ME?
And then the weight piled on. And as I got fatter, the more I could procrastinate exploring my sexuality.
But I’m coming up on 25 and I can feel regret starting to bubble up in my stomach about wasting my youth living a lie. I’m scared and I’m in a 5 year relationship with a man who is so amazing and I do genuinely love but I don’t think I’ve ever actually been attracted to and fuck I’m so afraid if I lose weight that means I need to lose the defenses and I might need to lose him too.
I don’t know if this makes much sense. But I think I need to finally just admit this, even semi publicly.
Secrets make you sick, and I’ve got obesity-related sicknesses to show it. I guess it’s time to “lose it.”
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2DzYRfM
No comments:
Post a Comment