I feel the need to vent, so...I hope no one minds. If someone relates, I wouldn't mind offering to listen (or read, in this case) as well, because I think it helps to be able to just spit it out and be able to be mad with someone else about any of these things, so you can get over with it in order not to have it bottled up.
So... I'm in that spot where I'm not obese and dressed, I just look like "on the heavier side" to most people around me due to the fact that I'm Asian, have very thin bones and most my mass is distributed on my belly. First, because I don't look overweight at first glance, I end up not being able to talk about how I'm actually trying to lose weight and how I've been struggling with it all my life, which means a lot when you're just 17. I haven't had a single phase in my life when I knew what it was like to be thin and able to fit into cute clothes that I'm not just wearing to hide my belly to look "normal". Basically, all my outfits are constructed to achieve that - hide the fat. (And believe me, it's incredibly difficult to find something as a girl with my proportions because waistlines are smaller for us females.) This isn't something I can talk about, though, as sad as it leaves me sometimes, because if I do, there's always someone who says I shouldn't complain so much (although I'm usually too ashamed anyway, so I don't think I'm commenting on this a lot).
However, I'm also fat enough to be bullied, because it's very obvious how disproportionate my figure is during sports and, especially, swimming classes when I can't hide it. I've had my share of bullying due to my ethnicity, my looks, and my weight, but the latter hurt far more because I'm the type of person who does try to work on herself. I know I can't change who my parents are, but I can change my weight. Or so I tell myself. (It doesn't help either that most my grade level is made up of people with model-like measurements and I'm good at distinguishing body forms and types due to drawing people a lot).
Due to my thin bones, I also tend to have hurting joints after longer physical activities a lot, although not being that heavy, in addition to looking more disproportionate. Throughout my life, this has helped establish my strong dislike of sports.
Last but not least, I'm going to talk about how being Asian has a lot to do with my weight struggle. It isn't just my initial disposition and the build that comes with it, but social pressure, too. My own parents call me fat on a daily basis, beginning every morning, and that hurts. Plus, all my cousins are about 40 lbs lighter than me - not to mention that in Vietnam, I'm wearing XXXXXL (Yes, I did not know such a size existed before, either. And yes, I did count the five X's. ._.). As much as I try to rationalize the situation - the average weight for females there is 45 kg - I just can't help but feel down every time I am there (where my parents are from and force me to join them on trips).
Thanks for reading all that, if you did. I wonder if anyone else has similar experiences.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2negnep
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