Three years ago, I was a fit 188 pounds. I felt confident, had my life on track, had respect at work, and was in a relationship that was easy and satisfying.
Fast forward to now- on May 30th I hit 218 pounds. That's the heaviest I've been in at least ten years... probably the heaviest I've been since the 1990s. At six feet tall, 218 pounds just feels HEAVY on me. I have a gut, face fat, and I just don't feel tight and trim like I did in the 180s and 190s. My pants fit tight and shirts bunch up over my belly. I don't like it.
My confidence is shot, my energy is low, work stress sucks and I feel sad, lonely and stressed out more than I did when I was fit. My relationship is still alright but I've been dealing with feelings of insecurity, disconnection, and boredom. When I look in the mirror I still see a handsome face, but when I see photos or videos of myself, I look awful and slovenly.
The weight came on when I did a few months of stressful work with no weekend breaks at my job. The stress led to bad habits, and it continues to do so.
I have tried in the past three years to watch what I eat and work out more, but I would lose a little and then gain it all back over a long weekend of eating. My metabolism is already somewhat comparatively low so food just sticks to me like glue. In order to lose a pound, I have to watch EVERY calorie. So, each time I'd lose a little, and then I'd gain it back. A little more each time when I rebounded.
But then May 30, I hit a low point and I knew that I had to turn it around. My back was aching, my knees and hips hurt, and in general I felt just crappy. I knew that I had to stop this cycle and take back control of my body and I would just force myself to start.
So, I began reducing junk food and sticking to 1500 calories a day, plus at least 30 minutes of weights or cardio every day. Started out really slowly but I am finally losing weight. I'm down to 212 pounds and hope to be under 210 in a week or two. And I never cheat. No chips, no dessert, no large portions. EVER. That's the only way for me or it starts to creep back.
Every week I try to just chip away at it more and more. And... my energy is coming back. My pants are already fitting a little better, and my face looks thinner just after losing six pounds. I feel like I have finally turned a corner! I can see the body I feel like I am start to emerge out of the body that stress has built. I am starting to get my confidence back because I know that it is only a matter of time... momentum is on my side.
My goal weight is 190 lbs. I want to get there by the end of the year. I can freaking do this and it's going to improve so many parts of my life!
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