Okay, I’m going to try to make a long story short. I am officially the fattest I’ve ever been. I’m leaving for the beach tomorrow. I feel SO uncomfortable in my body! Recently (past few months), I’ve packed on the pounds scarily fast. I’ve also been in a very deep depression with severe anxiety (although this isn’t new; been a problem for years) and having a crisis about life and my job...you know. It consumes you. I take a lot of medications for various health reasons (several for mental health, thyroid, etc.)
Mind you, I have no thyroid due to cancer a few years ago. Cancer is a bitch, especially when it spreads. I’ve been mostly hypo ever since for the most part which is actually not good for the whole cancer maintenance thing, let alone it just making me feel like crap.
Anyway. I’m trying so hard with the calorie counting and trying to exercise and get my blood pumping. I do Fitbit and MyFitnessPal. It’s just not working. Maybe I’m lying to myself or missing something. My doctors just blow me off! One (endocrinologist) doesn’t listen or speak with me at all and ignores my new signs of high blood pressure, the weight, etc. and the other, my GP, (who ignored the signs that led to my moms near deadly heart attack) just says the weight looks good on me and distributes “to the right places” and makes me spin around for him, adding that my fiancé isn’t complaining or some dumb shit...
I did CICO a couple years ago and it was great and worked and only took a few months. I lost weight fast, still ate “junk” foods in small doses and didn’t struggle. I’m 27 now. Maybe it’s harder bc I’m older? Maybe I’m just too goddamn dead inside and sad to see what’s really going on or do this right? I think I’m so impatient I can’t take it and can’t see past getting immediate results.
I don’t know why I’m even posting this. I guess I just need help and can’t find it. I don’t know what to do. I’m starting to get too impatient and I don’t want to resort to something very unhealthy just to see results (I’m way over sharing things that people in my own life don’t know here, but I had severe anorexia as a teen that nearly killed me and had me forcibly put into the hospital).
Anyway, this community always seems so supportive and helpful and I’m trying to reach out to get help bc I don’t want my life to continue in this direction. It’ll just be bad. So any words or thoughts or anything is appreciated. I feel pretty insecure sharing what I just did (like I said, not many people know this much about me), so go a little easy on my fat ass haha.
Thanks, y’all. Even if you just took the time to read it and have nothing to say, thanks for just listening when no one else will. 💚
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2KUQSNj
No comments:
Post a Comment