This seems like a tiny little victory but it’s a huge achievement for me but I have no one to share it with.
I’ve struggled with depression and a binge eating disorder since I was around 15, and fell into cycles of starving myself and then overeating and having that cycle continue for months on end. I was at my lowest weight of 196lbs at 16 but ballooned up to nearly 300lbs as of turning 19 last November.
It wasn’t helped by the loss of one of my biggest supporters, my grandma to cancer before I started my first year at uni. Soon after, my grandpa has also been diagnosed with terminal cancer. My depression hit back hard, and while away from home at university I binged every week on crisps, chocolate and anything I could get my hands on as there was no one to judge me. I ate to try and fill a hole that kept gnawing at me, and that I refused to help.
When I got back home for Easter holidays and tried to fit into a dress that fit back in September 2017, it split down the side and I cried my eyes out. Not just for the dress, but I realised how much I’d been hurting myself and my body by not taking care of myself - and how disappointed my grandma would be.
May 1st, I started an Instagram account to try and track my food and give myself accountability. I’m a little shaky with it, but even if I don’t upload I’ve been following CICO with MyFitnessPal - I eat about 1,200/1,400 cals a day. I eat whole foods, or as whole as I can get, but still let myself have a break so that I don’t fall back into disordered binging. Hell, I had a whole medium pizza the other day!
As I’ve tried to keep to eating good and logging foods, it’s gotten easier and easier. It’s like it’s second nature. I get excited to see how many steps I’ve done, or look my macros. I know how to eat healthier food and still feel satisfied. Sure, I get cravings and I’ll let myself have a little bit but I won’t eat a whole packet of sharing crisps anymore.
Hopefully, when I go on what might be my grandpa’s last holiday later in July, I’ll be happier to take pictures with him as I never did with my grandma. It’s not easy - my self confidence still isn’t amazing and I do have days where I just don’t feel like moving or trying but I’m getting there. I want to be able to create good memories. Loseit has been insanely motivating and I’ll be recommending it to anyone that ever wants to lose weight.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2HBHVlx
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