In the last 48 hours, I've
- moved out of the town I lived in for a year
- moved back in with my (kind of abusive) folks
- said goodbye to my partner as we start a 2 year LDR
- made a start on unpacking a year's worth of stuff
So it's been a bit of an emotional roller-coaster. Decided to make some headway into unpacking my clothes today, but thought it would be a good idea to try things on and see if they fit in the process. And oh BOY was that a bad idea.
I'm at my heaviest weight now and horribly unhappy with it. But it didn't quite hit me until today. Trying on jeans and shorts that fit 18 months ago, seeing how bad fitted shirts look around my stomach... It all got a bit much. 2/3 of my stuff is sorted out though, so I went to grab a cup of tea before treating myself to my first bath in a while.
Wishful thinking, past me.
A 5-minute conversation with my mother while the kettle boiled ended up with me crying in my room. I lost about 6lbs earlier in the year, but then put it all back on again, and she wouldn't let it go. "I held onto some clothes for you in case you lost more weight", "you really could do with losing a little bit before you start work", etc etc etc. I was already feeling incredibly fragile and these seemingly harmless comments just made me feel worse. Couple that with the complete upheaval my life has gone through the past couple of days and it all became too much.
However, I'm hoping this is the big push I need to make a change. I'm sick of hating myself. I'm sick of sucking my stomach in even now when I'm alone. I'm sick of not being confident taking my clothes off in front of my partner. I deserve to be happy, and that's the choice I'm going to make. Signed up to the July challenge for the accountability, and we'll see how we go from there.
Wish me luck, folks.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2lK5ctj
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