First off I am a 20 year old male living with my parents weighing nearly 400lbs.
I am feeling extremely hopeless at the moment and I feel trapped in every single way. I spend 99% of my time at home in front of my computer, browsing reddit, playing games and what not, so basically the only people I interact with IRL, are my parents.
I've been overweight ever since I was a kid so my food addiction has cemented in to my lifestyle. And surprise surprise I was bullied in school cause of my weight. I was so happy when I graduated that I didn't have to deal with going outside and see people and the awful stares people give when you're a sphere of lard walking around in public. But, because of my anxiety around people, I only go outside, maybe once every few weeks and It's only getting worse.
I do not want to self diagnose so I'm refraining from the use of the word "depression" as I don't feel I am actually depressed. But most of my time in school I would be the funny fat kid and make jokes at my own expense. Because if I call myself fat and ugly first I'll be hilarious and cool, right? Anyway, my point being after I graduated my food addiction kicked off. I could be in my own bubble at home and eat to my heart's content, especially with my mother going to the grocery store every single day and making huge home cooked meals and lots of chips, chocolate, ice cream and all that delicious garbage.
So this daily cycle of being sad about my weight, being unemployed, having no friends, and going into panic mode worried about my future, possible health problems and all the guilt of eating a lot of food just drives me to get more and more happiness from eating that large pizza and coke. It's an extremely vicious cycle that I've tried to break my whole life and after every failure, after every failed diet, I dive deeper and deeper into the well of sadness and regret.
Since my mother brings groceries home everyday, I keep telling her not to buy all this garbage, and every time she promises to not buy any junk for the sake of us both (she's obese as well) she breaks her promise and I keep going further down this rabbit hole and at this point I feel so trapped I'm thinking about very, very bad things that I shouldn't be thinking about.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2MbVwTr
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