Starting to feel like my worth to others is directly dependent on my weight. It's not a good feeling. [rant]

Hey guys. I know I've been here ranting a lot. I'm sorry. There are just so many little things I notice along this journey that really get under my skin. Don't get me wrong; there are a lot of great things, too, but I don't need to get those things off my chest. I share those as appropriate.

So... I've been up and down a handful of times over the years and the one thing I always notice, and am noticing especially this time around, is how much better people treat me when I'm thinner. For example, I started the job I'm at a little under a year ago (July 24 2017). During that time I was considerably overweight and still gaining. By February when I started losing, I was pretty darned rotund.

People didn't pay me one bit of attention at work. Especially female coworkers. It was like I hardly existed unless they needed something. I'm maintenance in a large office building, and half the people didn't even know my name still after six months. "Hey, uh, what's your name again? Oh yeah. cn2092. Well we need ____." Okay, yep. got it.

Now that I've lost nearly 50 lbs? Everyone talks to me. Everyone says hello. Everyone knows my name. And it just pisses me off. I'm the same damned person I was 50 lbs ago. The same damned human being, just with a "few" less extra pounds. Is my worth as a human being really tied that directly to the number on the scale? No. It isn't.

It takes everything in me not to just ignore some of them when they say hello. I've been here six months and you're just now saying hi to me as we pass in the halls? Fuck off.

A lot of the time this can have something to do with self-confidence that comes with weight loss as well. Welp, maybe the first one or two times around it did for me, but not this time. I've learned to be confident in who I am as a person at any weight and that my weight doesn't define me. At least.... to me it doesn't.

I dunno. Just had to get it out. Feeling particularly down about it today. Thanks for reading.

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