I really don't know where to turn

I had my first psychotic episode about a year ago. It was really intense but I thought gypsies followed me home 50 miles from a rave & chased me into a police station, followed the police car home and dressed up as bushes to get close to my house. Now I'm so suspicious of everyone. Right when I thought things were fine I lashed out at a really close friend for mocking me (or so I thought) and tonight I physically assaulted him.. He's one of my best friends in the world and I kicked him really hard. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know whether to trust my own senses or to trust in the word of my friends? I think I can hear people talking about me but I'm constantly assured that they're not. I tried consulting mental health professionals a few times but they're absolutely useless. It really seems like they expect ME to understand whats going on. I feel like I'm wasting their time and I'm fine but then things like this go on and It really throws me off. Any suggestions? Please?

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