TL;DR 25, 6'3", 335 Starting college and want to turn my life around, just not sure how to make what I've tried so many times actually stick.
So going off the TL;DR, I've tried every diet I can think of. Starvation diet, calorie counting, weighing food, meal replacement (ka'chava, protein shakes, etc), pre-packaged meals, meal plans
My heaviest was 380 pounds, so I've lost roughly 50 over the years, but that wasn't trying, it was just dumb luck...
I love healthy food, I'm not picky in the least. I'm a good cook, and I can make anything I eat taste pretty good. I just eat more crave and let myself eat more junk food than I do healthy food.
I fall off the wagon every single time. Sometimes a week in, sometimes two months in, but I always do.
I've been obese or morbidly obese my entire life, I can't remember an age where I was anything but one of those two.
Time for the venting part; I grew up dirt poor, food was the only source of fun/enjoyment my family had. My brothers ate less than I did, and also participated in school stuff, sports, etc.
I was too overweight already to do any sports, I just sat home all day, being 'homeschooled', but not by choice.
I wasn't taught anything beyond third grade, and wasn't allowed to go outside very often.
This became a cycle of wake up, play video games and eat unhealthy crap, go to sleep, repeat.
It wasn't until I was 19 or 20 when all the fat jokes, etc, started getting to me, and I decided to change.
I subscribed to all the big fitness YouTubers, tried all the diets, but I couldn't handle the judgment from family members. Declining junk food and wanting a salad or just some chicken instead was made fun of, looked down on, and judged. I let that judgment and 'shaming' get to me again and again.
Fast forward a few years; I'm exactly where I was. I'm 330-ish pounds, 6'3", 25 years old, living with my mom, who has the same unhealthy eating / exercise habits as she did when I was a kid.
I taught myself all the way up to high school / college education, I'm working on getting my driver's license, and I'm starting college in August.
I still find myself feeling almost shameful when I try to eat healthy, exercise, etc.
Over the years, I've bought a treadmill, barbell, bench, and plates, but haven't used them due to the uncomfortable feeling of being judged.
Recently I keep swearing to myself, this is the time you'll get healthy, this is it, no more excuses, this is the time.
I fall off within a few days.
So... Is there anyone else that was in my situation, or maybe near it, with that feeling of shame and judgment, who managed to get past it and have their decision to change stick?
I don't want to be who I am anymore, making excuses for everything, and worse, actually letting myself believe them.
My brothers are supportive. I'm the youngest of them, but they all live further away. My whole life they're always told me, if you lose weight you'd be a beast, etc. I'm the tallest of them, strongest of them, and broadest of them, and they all tell me I'm wasting my potential.
This is a far cry from how they were until they all moved out, as they were the worst cause of the shame I felt.
Please give any sort of advice you can, I'll try anything.
I want to be able to even do a single push-up, and I want to be able to jog or run for over 2 or 3 minutes without feeling pain in my chest. Body-weight exercises always look so freeing and natural, and I want that for myself.
I love my treadmill, and I love my weight set, just not the feeling I get from other people when I use them.
And if there's any advice out there to help in not letting what people say or think get to you, I'm more than willing to hear that out, too, and actually give it a shot.
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