I’m currently at a healthy BMI (5’8-5’9, 125 lbs) but I look terrible. I have a south Asian body type where I carry most of my excess fat in my abdomen (classic apple shape). I have a pretty flat butt and no curves and I’ve been strength training and working out for years as I slowly lost the weight. I do not look slim, and probably won’t until I’m at a slightly underweight to normal BMI (18-18.5 probably). Some people carry excess fat in the worst ways!! I’m 5’8 and 125 pounds and I still have pot belly despite having defined leg lines and shoulders and prominent collarbones. When I do try to eat in a surplus and put on muscle, I put on very little compared to the fat that goes straight to my stomach, face, and back. I just look worse.
I recently went to the doctor and she straight up told me that I have a soft form of anorexia because I haven’t had my period in 9 months and am tired and lightheaded. And then when I expressed my concerns about gaining weight and my body type she straight up told me that I had to choose between being healthy and being thin.
I have looked at probably dozens if not hundreds of progress picture of 5’7-5’9 women around my weight and most of them looked more toned and defined than I do even when they weigh 15-30 pounds more OR are shorter than me!! Ive literally seen BEFORE pictures of women weighing 30 pounds more than I do at the same height and they look more proportional and more toned. I’ve cried so many times over it. It makes no sense and honestly makes me regret losing the weight because I just have the same awful body proportions but at least before I got to eat what I wanted and be happy. I’m so tired of people telling me to lift weights. I DO LIFT WEIGHTS, I DO WORK OUT. I have awful genetics that predispose how much muscle I can put on and how fat stays on my body. Some of us, unfortunately, need to be thinner to look as good as others and it is what it is.
I guess my main question is - what the heck do I do?? I can’t gain weight and look good and I can’t lose weight or even maintain apparently because my body doesn’t like to be slim. I also don’t care if this is shallow - I never started losing weight to be healthy. I literally only care about looking good because no one in my family has ever survived past 50 without cancer, heath attacks, strokes, or diabetes (even at a healthy BMI because they have too much abdominal fat!!). The couple of grand parents I have left are all incredibly sick in their 60s and can’t leave the house. I know I won’t live healthily for a long time so I just want to have a decent body until my genetics decide to cut my life short.
If you read this long, thank you. I apologize for emotional rambling, but I really appreciate any advice you guys can offer.
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