How can I motivate myself to dieting? And stop being angry?

I'm a female and my height is 165 cm and my weight is 86 kg😭. It is a disaster for me. I'm well aware of each kg of my body, yet I can't bring myself to stick to diet. I keep feeling angry about how unfair life was to me when it comes to my weight. I keep thinking about my genes. I've been fat all my life. I was never in a good shape I'm tired of trying I have problems both in quantities and qualities of what I do eat. I eat lots of junk food, noodles,.. Etc. I don't like sweets.. But I eat lots of carbohydrates. How can I force myself to do diet? I really feel embarrassed about how I look and disappointed at myself. I live with my partner and he he is tall and thin and I'm the one responsible for cooking and I think this is hard for my to cook two different types of food I also don't work so gym can't I do now. Is there any hope?

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