Look, I finally discovered what makes me actually full and satisfied on a caloric deficit and on a $ budget. It works BUT I realized that it’s not enough to just feel full, I still will want more. I made lots of brownies for some people who were having a party and they ditched me and I got left with four trays of brownies. I ate them all in 3 days despite being full and feeling absolutely sick with just one square. I didn’t eat them all because I was sad they ditched me, nope, it was because I had one brownie and loved it and I couldn’t stop, I really couldn’t. I even kept eating them after I got a migraine and nausea and I couldn’t even move from the couch. I have 2 kids, this isn’t fair at all to them, but it’s like I can’t convince my body to be rational. When I was younger I would judge people who were diabetic and kept eating sugar because I was like “do you not want to live to see your kids live as long as you can?” Or with people who smoked, I would think the same like “I know it’s hard but just push don’t be selfish! Don’t do that to yourself! Cancer is so painful!” But I get it now. It’s like a frenzy, you can’t stop in the middle. Like a tornado you have to wait to pass. I wanna do this for them and without temptation I do so good like I had just lost 4 lbs the week prior and wasn’t even hungry, then in the three days I ate brownies I gained 7lbs!!! Now all I want to eat is crap- fried chicken, more brownies with whipped cream, tacos (not so bad), well some of the food I want to eat is not bad for you. The problem is I just can’t stop no matter how sick I feel! I’m like a vacuum. I’m not even hungry but I feel starved for some reason like I’m filling up a bottomless pit forever. Has anyone gotten over something like this before? If so, I’m begging you, please help me.
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