I had been managing healthy consistency for a while (100+ days of logging calories & macros, staying mostly within limits, seeing a gradual reduction on the scales). Lost about 5kg over this time. Calorie goal is 1600/ day (advised by dietitian).
The last couple of weeks I've been stressed and upset about a few different things (won't go into details here), and I've kept on falling back into binge eating to try to "cope" with the low mood, which then makes me hate myself... eat more because of low self esteem and feeling depressed... etc. I know logically while I'm binging that I'll regret it, that I don't need the food, but it's like I become a different person temporarily and it's not my problem because it's for "future me" to deal with the consequences.
I have M.E so the activity I am able to do is very restricted (I used to run a lot and that helped my mood). I had thought I was doing well losing weight purely by tracking calories without being able to exercise, and I was, but I've really messed up this last few weeks.
I don't know how I can break this cycle - I eat sensibly during the day, then the low feelings creep up, I can't sleep, I feel shaky, I eat too much. Mostly the binge food is things like plain oats, low-fat yogurt, nuts, seeds, dried fruit, so it could be worse, but I'm now sitting awake after a few hours' sleep feeling utterly disgusted with myself and it's like I can feel how full of unnecessary food I am. And I know and have the evidence to show me that I feel generally better, when I eat sensible quantities: less bloated, energy a bit more consistent. So WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF?
I weigh weekly, because I get hung up on the numbers and read a lot into minor fluctuations if I do so more frequently. I had gained 1kg on last week's weigh-in and am dreading seeing my weight again on Monday.
Sorry for the rant and self-pitying. Just feeling pretty hopeless now.
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