Seeking Reassurance

Hi All,

I wanted to share a bit of my story, as I made a bit of a mistake this morning, and said mistake is causing me some admittedly irrational dread. I'm hoping typing this out can help maybe alleviate some of said dread.

I'll make it short: I grew up on the Midwestern diet: corn syrup, caramel color, and crystal meth. In a bit of a wild sequence of events, my mom won the powerball lottery, and sent my ass to a fancy treatment center in California.

As you can imagine, I had quite the culture shock when I got there. Long story short, I got sober, swore off any and all artificial ingredients and sweeteners, sugars, and even most dairy. I haven't drank any liquid other than water or almond milk in 4 years. I don't even use chemical cleaning products.

When I arrived at treatment I weighed 290lbs. After cutting all that stuff out, I slimmed down to about 195, then started lifting and got up to about 230. I'm probably 7-10% body fat right now.

On top of that, when I first got to treatment, I couldn't read. I was virtually autistic in common interactions. Now I'm very close to finishing my English degree.

I feel good about the changes I made to my life, but one problem still remains: I have this horrible guilt when it comes to food.

That's what bought me to this post: this morning, without thinking, I ate some Jimmy Dean Maple Sausage, which was loaded with corn syrup, caramel color, etc. It's my fault, I'm usually right on the ball when reading labels and such. I dropped the ball on this one, and my whole day has just been ruined. I know it's silly, but I just feel so.....dirty. And gross. Like a big slimeball.

I really don't know why I'm posting this, telling myself I'm overreacting doesn't seem to work. I usually have to hear it from someone else. Problem is if you eat an avacado in the midwest, everyone thinks you have an eating disorder, and you're excommunicated from the church. Any advice/reassurance is welcome.

EDIT: This has happened four or five times since I came home, where I'll eat something on accident than feel tremendously guilty about it.

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