I lost 51 pounds over 2017-2018, but since then I've gained 12 pounds back.
It's not that much in the grand scheme, but this whole year has been a MASSIVE struggle where I wildly seesaw between strict 1200 calories a day and uncontrolled binges. It's the typical story: I had a big career disappointment, went on vacations, moved states, etc. and now live somewhere where I can't afford a gym membership or to continue my martial art.
I'm doing pretty well in other aspects of my life, but my inability to exercise what seems like even the tiniest iota of self control in this area is making me miserable. Sometimes it genuinely feels as if I'm possessed. I vacillate between self-destructive mindsets and new re-commitments that inevitably fail. "Wow, am I really going to struggle and fight the entire rest of my life just to barely maintain the same weight? It's so not worth it." versus "I'm in control of my life, and I choose to be happy and healthy."
I'm desperate to get out of this cycle. If I could go back in time and talk to 20-year-old me, she would be disappointed in the person I am now. I am determined not to disappoint 30-year-old me.
I've purged all the junk food from my place, and have a week-and-a-half long streak of successful calorie counting going, but am still feeling really discouraged. I feel like it's almost going to take a miracle to get me where I want to be.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2Pw1G3W
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