So I've moved to uni recently, and it's done wonders for my weight-loss efforts, in ways that I didn't really expect. I feared the dreaded Freshman Fifteen that everyone's been talking about. So it was a surprise when I visited home after the first week and checked the damage, only to find I was 166 pounds. I hadn't been adamant about checking my weight, but that's the lowest it's been, still going down.
Still, before I found this out I've been using MFP, and it's great. I'm still on the free trial for the version with all the nutrient features, and between that and living away from home, I'm in control of my life after so long.
Of course, it's not always easy. For starters, I sleep next to a bar-fridge full of leftovers I still haven't eaten from my visit last weekend: Brownies and pizza. The temptation to binge one night and eat it all is definitely there. I've even considered giving them away but they're almost a week old now. Last night was about as close as I came to downing everything. It all happens with one thought, "I did this all the time as a kid. It's a finite number of calories and I have to get rid of them eventually."
Something really bad happens.
Suddenly, I'm staring down at the empty fridge. In the past moments I've eaten every piece of leftover food in the fridge. My roommate is typing away at his desk, but I'm sure he heard the grotesque sounds of me emptying out the contents without even bothering to warm it all up. It didn't feel good like I'd hoped it would. I feel disgusting, it was that feeling you get when you've made an irreversible decision: Smoking a cigarette for the first time, shoplifting, or self harm. The feeling isn't new to me.
I sat there on my bed asking myself what I'd done, knowing full-well that I'd just repeated the pattern. I took the easier route, giving into temptation and losing all self-control. I'd failed myself, and everyone who found it in them to doubt me. Voices speak to me, disappointed. I can't quite understand them, but they aren't shocked or appalled. They talk about me slipping into my old habits like it's unfortunate news in a foreign continent. What can you do about it, anyways?
I see static behind my eyes and it all goes black.
I wake up. I'm in my dorm, my half of the fridge is still chock-full of food. I fell asleep before any of this actually happened. I'm hit with a wave of gratitude and a resolve not to give in.
So maybe it's not a super positive motivation, or it's not enough motivation by fear because it didn't actually happen. But I hope this can reach someone out there. It's not worth it. You're not the same person as you once were.
Tonight, my room contains some food that will very quickly start to smell. But if I have to throw it away, I will. Simple as that.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2UxlDJN
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