TW: eating disorder mentioned.
I have been slowly gaining weight since I was 9 years old. I was a stick thin child in a stick thin family and then I put on maybe 5 or 10 pounds at 9 years old. I remember being questioned why I was gaining weight. I remember trying to diet at 9. I remember thinking I was morbidly obese at 9. I didn’t truly hit overweight until I was about 16. I had spent years of my life convinced I was huge, but now looking back at pictures I realized I just wasn’t stick thin anymore. I started starving myself at 12 and sticking my fingers down my throat at 13. My mom bought me diet pills at 14 and my dad would weigh me and write my weight on a chart to hang in the family living room. He would joke in front of friends and family that he had to start doing this because I was “mashing down the carpets with my weight.” I was maybe 14 and wore at medium at American eagle and I just hit puberty. I realize now I wasn’t overweight just dealing with some shitty stuff and puberty. One day while visiting my grandparents my grandmother offered my a sandwich and I overheard my grandfather arguing with her later about how she shouldn’t feed me because I was as big as an elephant. My binging issues spiraled and I began to truly pack on the pounds at 15 and beyond. When I was 17 I weighed myself and hit 267 lbs. I immediately began starving myself and making myself throw up. I weighed myself three weeks after that and I had lost 15 pounds. Then I got mono and had to quit and the weight came right back on. I’m a 5’7 21 year old female studying to be a lawyer and I probably weigh about 300 lbs or so now. Being overweight and being shamed for it has severely limited my life. I went to one school dance at 14 and that was it. I didn’t go to prom or take senior photos. There are no pictures of me anywhere from ages 15-21. I don’t have any high school photos or vacation pictures. I have worn long sleeve shirts and leggings for maybe 5 years now. It could be 100 degrees outside and I’ll be in a sweater. I have been telling myself for years now that I’ll look up a diet and exercise plan and do it. I wanted to plan it all out. However today on 4 hours of sleep and after eating not that great all day I randomly decided to go work out. It was spontaneous and random and before I chickened out I threw my hair up and walked to my apartments gym at 11:30 pm and worked out on the elliptical for 30 minutes. I had to stop every three minutes to breathe and drink water. I felt like crap, but I worked out today. Tomorrow I’ll eat decent and count my calories and maybe I’ll work out again. Someone gave me advice on this website a week ago and it’s stuck with me since. “Losing weight is hard, but being fat is harder.”
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/34wzbKp
No comments:
Post a Comment