My husband blamed me yesterday for his weight gain.
He said “I’m an addict and by the way you cook and grocery shop, you make me gain weight”
While I see that it is important that I help him, be there for him and try to create an environment where he can be without constantly fighting against his demons, I feel like it’s not fair to solely blame me for his weight gain.
Before we met he was a heavy guy but lost almost all his weight at the point we met. At the point we met I was rapidly gaining weight. About a year in our relationship he told me that he wasn’t attracted to me anymore. I realised that I myself didn’t were attracted to me anymore so I lost weight. I lost about 20kg and stayed at my weight for 4 years.
After the birth of our first, I had difficulties getting back to my pre pregnancy weight but not by much (+2kg)
I’m currently pregnant with our second and I had really bad nausea this time around, I lost about 5kg and was able to only stomach “bad” foods. Because I felt so bad I was too lazy to cook the super duper healthy meals I cooked before. I started making easier meals for my daughter and my husband kinda had to go along.
He does not cook. He is a serial snacker and mindless eater. Even when I cooked very healthy, he ate enormous portions.
Now there is more calorie dense and processed food in the house, I can see how it is very easy for someone like him to gain weight.
But I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to go back to cooking healthy for every meal but pregnant with a toddler and having to handle the housework and my job (even though I work from home), I often simply don’t have the energy to put in.
I tried meal prepping so he could grab something healthy and be done with it. But when I do a dozen savoury muffins, which are meant to hold for a week, they are gone in 2 days.
If I cook larger portions so there could be leftovers eaten as a small meal, he leaves them in the fridge an instead eats four half hard boiled eggs with a heaping tablespoon of mayonnaise for each half.
Yes I see how he is packing on the pounds and I see what role I play in it, but it feels a bit unfair to blame it solely on me.
It feels like he does not take any responsibility for his eating.
I’m really sad about that. I told him how I feel about it but he said “I’m an addict and can’t control myself”
Does that mean that I have to? I’m not his mother, I’m his wife. And I love him dearly. I want him to be happy and healthy but this is weighing on me.
I’m sorry this got so long. I really don’t know what I can do to make this situation better.
If you have any ideas I would be very thankful if you shared them with me!
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