I realize I’m going to sound ridiculous and batshit crazy, probably bc I’m acting like it, but I just need to vent if I can and maybe read someone tell me that I’m just crazy. It’s my first time on earth telling anyone my weight, so please be kind.
I started my journey at 267, (5’8”)and that wasn’t even my highest. I did low carb for about a month and in December of this past year started keto. I got down to 198 last week. Onderland, amazing, right? Well, it was our anniversary so I decided to have a cheat day. Honestly, it wasn’t even that bad. I had some bread, which I hadn’t had in months, a few drinks and some dessert. I gained 8 lbs. Ok, I expected a weight gain (I’ve cheated a handful of times and have gained as much as 12 lbs for a cheat meal, but lose it in about 7 days). Well, it’s now been one week and I still haven’t lost the 8 lbs I gained. I’ve been super strict (CICO), plenty of water, and everything I should be doing. Well, I lost it today, not the weight, but my fucking sanity. Like I’m such in a bad mood about that number and not losing the what should have been “water weight” in 8 f’n days. I’ve been a shitty mom and wife today and it’s all bc of my fucking weight. I want to binge. I haven’t yet, but I want to. I can almost feel how good I’ll feel if I eat whatever crap I want. I can feel just being kinder if I have chocolate. I just lost my shit on my husband bc I had a cookie in my hand and was going to devour it and he took it from me. Told me if I’m going to binge at least have something good, not crap store bought cookie. Like, I lost my shit and started crying. And no, I’m not PMSing. Can’t use that excuse.
My goal was to be at 185 by June 1. At this rate, it’s not going to happen. And yes, I know what matters is my health, etc, but I would be lying if at least half of it for me isn’t vanity.
I need some chocolate. I can fucking feel being kinder and being a better person if I binge!! How fucking insane is that??? Whoever says that food is not a drug has clearly never been addicted, bc this is fucking insane!!!
Go ahead feel free to roast me and tell me how ridiculous and batshit crazy I’m being bc I need to hear it!
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2VfBWOn
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