I am not sure if this is the right place to post this or not but since it was all about food I figured why not. Yesterday my Mom called me at work to tell me that the urologist found two masses, one on each kidney, and they they did find cancer cells. I am going to her appointment tomorrow with her. My boss is pissed but what are they really going to say? They do not know how far the cancer has reached and they are going to do additional tests and talk about options.
I have been eating like crazy but the food doesn't even taste good. I went ballistic on my roommate for not having pizza or cupcakes, got very close to putting a few holes in the wall and my hands are very bruised today. Went to the bathroom and sobbed about him being "to stupid to place the order of a pizza correctly." I have never behaved this way in front of him and I think it honestly scared him. I was nothing but rage. I apologized. He forgave me.
I am also craving sugary drinks more than food. I have been craving hot chocolate, soda icees, soda, iced coffee. I know these have tons of calories. Yesterday I didn't track and I ate a large almost everything at McDonald's. We have so many things to do. I have to figure out how I will afford to be a caretaker, what the options are, I will be driving so much because we all live about an hour away, I need to get a notebook to keep all the doctors notes, I may have to change jobs to move in with my Mom, maybe not? I am so overwhelmed. I am my Mother's only child so it falls on me and I am not even financially successful yet! I have been an emotional wreck. I have to be strong for her and do what is best for her.
I am exhausted and honestly, at this point I don't even care if I gain weight. I feel so bloated today and I keep crying randomly which is stupid. I know I should show self control but weight control and calorie counting is so far down on my list of priorities that I am thinking I should put it on hold until we have a game plan.
I guess this was a rant/ what to do question. I know everyone will probably tell me that I need to meal prep and I appreciate it but right now I am in crisis mode. I need quick tricks to make being on the road easier. Should I throw away everything sweet in the house? Are there any gas station on the road foods that are healthy? What about the drink cravings? Thank you all so much. I am so sad and overwhelmed right now.
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