In September 2017, I saw a picture of myself that really made me face the reality of how big I was. It’s not that I thought I was thin, I had just been so focused on having a belly that I completely neglected to realize how wide I had gotten. It was a very sobering moment, and I decided I wanted to do something about it. I started eating better and going to the gym, and I managed to keep up with it for all of a month before I gave up again. Through the following 15 months, I would stop and start multiple times. In September 2017 I weighed 220 pounds, by December 31, 2018 I was at 249, the heaviest I’ve ever weighed by far. Enough was enough.
On January 1st, I started dieting in earnest again with a focus on CICO. I was rarely logging in MFP, but I was at least keeping in mind how much I was consuming with a rough calorie estimate for each meal and snack, and doing my best to stay below 1700 calories per day. In previous attempts I had shot for around 1450 (what MFP says would shed two pounds a week for me), but I decided to take it slower this time, as progress would be easiest and more consistent if I could keep at it by making things easier on myself. In that same vein, I decided not to jump right into going to the gym, instead letting myself get used to the diet, make that a lifestyle, and then add the gym later.
On March 1st, I got a gym membership and I’ve been going at least three times a week. In the past I’d tried to go daily with a rest day, but again, I would rather set small, manageable goals for myself and work up to bigger things in steps. I know myself and I know the easier I make it on myself, the easier it will be stick with it. I’d rather lose weight slowly over months than drop 15 pounds in two weeks and fall off the wagon entirely.
After a couple weeks’ plateau, this week I’m finally weighing in at 220. The weight I was over a year ago when I was devastated and disgusted with myself. I’ve successfully stuck to the spirit of my diet every single day except one pre-planned cheat day (the Super Bowl). In the past I justified poor willpower by “giving” myself cheat days in the moment, which made it easy to slip. By committing myself to only cheating in advance, I not only avoid the slippery slope, I really only feel like I need to cheat on special occasions (my second cheat day will be at the end of this month, when I’m going to Manhattan with a friend).
I’m pretty proud of losing ~30 pounds in two and a half months, but I’m even more proud of sticking with it this long. I’ve never stuck to any kind of diet for this long, and there really seems to be no end in sight. I don’t limit what I can eat, just how much, and I’ve developed an extensive list of medium-calorie fast food options that get me through lunch (Taco Bell’s Beefy 5-Layer Burrito has 550 calories, McDonald’s mushroom and swiss grilled chicken sandwich [without onions or the cheese sauce] is 430, a Chipotle steak bowl with rice, lettuce, pico, and cheese is 550).
I have a long way to go. A long way. But this week I’m beginning a new commitment to shore up some of the areas I was cutting myself slack. Diligently logging and weighing food and going to the gym an extra time a week. I doubt I’ll have lost another 30 pounds in another 2 and a half months, but I’m working towards that as my goal, and if I reach it, great. If I don't, I won't get discouraged, I'll just keeping pushing and improving.
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