Hi everyone. Like a lot of other people last night, I got drunk. I wasn’t planning to get drunk but I had a class canceled today so my day freed up and I decided to celebrate by ordering dominos because I have an unhealthy relationship with food. In order to stomach the eating without feeling like shit as I was doing it, I drank 3/4’s of a bottle of whiskey. My bank account had no money in it so I charged it to my credit card. and ate and drank happily until I passed out.
Problem is, it’s now morning. And just like the other dozen times I’ve done this without learning I feel like shit. I’m hungover, my mouth is dry, my stomach aches. I feel worthless and alone and angry. I spent money I didn’t have chasing a feeling I couldn’t get by eating food I shouldn’t have eaten and have now wasted half a day when I have tons of school to do. All because I had one class get cancelled and it’s like some deep villain in my mind flipped a switch and took control.
I’ve done pretty good on my diet. I started last March (2018) I’m 5’9”, M, and weighed 380 pounds. Now I weigh 225. My target weight is 170 and I can’t seem to finish it. I’ve lost the determination I had and just when I thought I was master over food again it snuck back in and took control.
Ok. My pity party is over. I’m going to go look at dogs on another sub and drink water.
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