I'm writing this post to remind myself in the future that when I eat like crap and binge eat and binge drink I feel like shit.
Sure I feel really great while doing it but then-I get so tired, I feel gross, I don't sleep well, I have no energy. I don't do it to the point of getting sick or anything, it's just constantly feeling mildly blehh.
I need to make more choices that will help improve my long term happiness instead of choices that will only give a big boost of temporary happiness. Food and booze does make me happy but it's like an illusion. It doesn't actually make me happy in the long run it just makes me happy in that moment. The same could be said for a lot of things really.
It's weird because it's not like I don't think of the future. I've actually been so intensely focused on the future for so many years that it's like I consumed ALL my energy on it. I think that is a product of the fact I've only been a student all my life thus far. Id constantly worry about the future. But it was all in the context of my future career. I worried A LOT in grad school about whether I would be able to a get job, whether I was making the right career choices, etc. The reason for this is because I associate my career very closely with my happiness to an extent. It's more in terms of my career will give me money that will let me do the things I want like my hobbies. Like I always thought if I could just get a job that had normal hours and a comfortable wage and was close to family and friends I could finally establish roots and start living my life and find real happiness. I didn't associate other aspects of my life ( like my weight) as closely with that happiness, even though they are connected, so I didn't focus on them and used literally ALL my focus on school and work. Consequently, I would make poor decisions regarding those other aspects of my life without really focusing on how they would affect my future happiness.
In reality, what will make my life happy is complex. Technically, everything I do will effect my future happiness in some way. I need to focus more on how it affect it and make more choices that will make me happier long term.
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