So I have been dealing with depression for the last two and a half years that was brought on by a triggering event that brought out my CPTSD that I’ve been in therapy for ever since.
Long story short, I feel awful in my body. I have gained another twenty pounds (on top of my already obese body) and am starting to feel really uncomfortable. I’ve lost and gained the same 20ish pounds three times in the last few years and it never sticks or goes further than that.
I’m a 5’2 woman and weigh 245 pounds. My back and feet hurt. My arms hurt. My neck hurts. My clothes are tight. My sex drive is down and I feel bad about the impact it has on my relationship with my husband. I want to hide my body under sweatshirts and blankets. I fear I will get type 2 diabetes. I’m afraid of heart disease.
I want to lose weight but I seriously struggle with finding a connection to all these reasons I know I should in a meaningful way that actually results in action.
Why can’t I make myself want to change my habits? How do I bring all these reasons to change into action? I think into the future of being bedridden or in a hospital because of health issues and can logically think of it happening and yet even that I can push away and grab another sleeve of Girl Scout cookies.
My success and motivation has always been centered around mental/intellectual feats and I have achieved a lot in that arena. Physical care has always been hard for me. I think it’s likely related to my childhood physical and sexual abuse, which I don’t want to impact me in this way anymore.
Help me get started, please.
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