Quick storytime. When I was at my biggest, my SO had a friend visit that hadn't seen me in years. The last time we all hung out, I was at least 70 lbs lighter, and full of vivacious confident energy. I had hidden myself away from social interactions and social media in shame of my weight gain. I dreaded seeing this old friend all day, left the house to avoid him, then holed up in the bedroom. They unexpectedly came back to our apartment and I felt like I should come out and say hi. But i was mortified the entire visit. I couldn't make eye contact. I stumbled over my words. I clutched a pillow over my midsection as we talked. I shifted around on the couch pulling at my clothes, so aware of my size. I suppressed my reactions, my opinions, my voice. I was nothing like the me he knew 5 years ago- engaging, exuberant, present.
It was like my inner self shrank as my outer self grew. Can anyone relate?
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