I so badly want to make a triumphant post about how far I've come and how proud I am that I have lost 100 pounds over the past year. While that is objectively true, the weight is off and my immediate health concerns have been mitigated, it doesn't feel true. My truth is that I am still struggling every day and I am still tying my self-worth to what and how I eat.
When I finally made the decision to lose weight, I felt like I had a handle on what needed to happen - small, sustainable changes that would result in better choices overall. I knew that I wouldn't change overnight, I knew there would be set backs, and I wanted to be able to accept that, and do better next time. I expected that each time would be a little easier, the set backs wouldn't be as bad, or as frequent, and I'd get more skilled at managing them and find my new normal.
It hasn't happened that way. I still have to make the decision every day, multiple times, to change my habits and my attitude. It's exhausting. I feel like I am always saying no to myself, always depriving myself, and failing to find the positive in what I know are good choices, but still suck when I make them. There is such a disconnect between what I logically KNOW is true, and how I FEEL. I still feel like my body is my enemy.
My therapist has been somewhat helpful in tackling these feelings, and finding replacement behaviors for coping and strategies to keep me motivated. Reading this sub has been immensely helpful, and I've learned so much just by reading everyone's experiences. I'm realizing more and more that my goal isn't to hit a certain number on the scale, but to find peace with myself and my body so I can better enjoy other aspects of my life.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2VKwkrU
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