Right now I really want to binge, and I find it hard to not to actually go and cook all the food and stuff my face.
Aunt flo is only a week away, and I'm incredibly stressed as I will graduate (hopefully) next month, but I still have so so much left to do before that. So I've been locking myself up the past days to just work, and I know i'll have to do the same thing for the next 4 weeks.
To break up routine I actually went out to dinner yesterday and had a good time, but I also ate more than I have in the past while (volume wise).
Today I woke up and I just have been feeling like eating all day. I gave in a little, I cooked a little extra pasta to have with cheese after my dinner (so a small second portion) and I was craving sweet stuff this afternoon so I tried to make a banana/peanutbutter/chocolate microwave cake (it was okay, not great though I did eat it all).
But nothing seems to scratch that itch, that idea in my mind that if I would just eat, I'd feel much better.
The thing is, although I would regret giving in, food does improve my mood. As kid I was underweight because I didn't like food and wouldn't eat, so I was always told and forced to eat more. As a teen I suffered with depression, and my mood would be especially foul if I hadn't eaten for a while, so I was constantly told to eat to feel better. And I did, And I do still. I know that I feel better (mentally) when I eat.
The thing is, I got fat like that, and I don't want to be like that anymore. I'm no longer depressed and I have a decent amount of control of my mood these days. But still, that idea in my head: 'eat something and you'll feel better' is telling me to eat.
And especially on a day like today, when I see everybody enjoying their sunday, and I'm home alone working all day, with no relief in the near future, and my hormones raging. I just want to eat, I just want to binge.
Any tips or support you guys can get me?
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2Bigo8m
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