Hey guys. So for starters I'm a 5'8 18/F. My starting weight was 312 and over the course of a year or so I lost over 100 lbs. I recently hit onederland at 197 and although it feels amazing to finally be under 200 and I'm excited to loose more, I can't help but feel sad with how my body looks still. Sure I can put on the right clothing and feel okay, but once it comes off and I look at myself in the mirror I can't help but feel disgusted.
I feel like I ruined my body by getting so big at an early age, and I wonder how anyone will ever be able to love me. I'll meet a guy and everything will be wonderful, but as soon as things get a lil steamy and hands go places it becomes awkward. I feel like a need a big "caution before proceeding" sign when trying to venture out in dating.
Everyday I get dressed and tuck everything in. Wear things that don't show my upper arms. Make sure no one can see those extra lumps and rolls. It's exhausting mentally, and I know it'll only get worse the more I go down on the scale.
Of course I could get surgery, but what 18 year old can afford $6,000-10,000+ in body reconstructive procedures. That's even more of a dream for someone whose coming from an extreme lower class background, and it'll take years of saving before I could even think of it.
At the end of the day I'd take living with excessive skin over living with obesity anytime, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't struggling heavily with my body image. Somedays it's better than others, but tonight I just needed to vent a bit.
If you got this far, thanks for reading
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