So I just wanted to share the thing I did that completely blew my mind. Hopefully this helps someone because it kind of just hit my body dysmorphia in the nuts. Anyway, my thighs always look extremely big and fat to me when I sit down and I hated them for as long as I can remember. Like, I get it. Thighs look bigger when you sit. Duhh Genius. But my thighs look really BIG and it spills around and I hate it. I swore that I'll never quit my diet until they look at least bearable for me even if it takes me to borderline anorexia. I was willing and ready to do anything it takes.. however long it takes. It didn't matter. I was tortured long enough and declared a war on myself. If it takes me to my grave? Fuck it. I was ready for that, too. I told myself I could never be happy till then. That was my drive.
I always wanted normal looking legs like every other guy but I've been on a diet for a while and it seems like my legs are refusing to go. Why aren't they going? All of my hard work and dedication for NOTHING? It frustrated me and kept me insecure and sorta depressed. Well, 5 minutes ago, I had an idea to use my front camera and try to see it from the point of view of someone who "isn't" me. I looked at it and I really couldn't believe it: my legs looked normal! Well, it still had some fat and its not perfect, it looks thicker than general but.. its not horrible..? How?? I honestly thought that my legs look fucking freaky but.. they're normal/bit above average? How long were they normal for? It honestly feels like one of those animal experiments where the animal thinks the barrier is still there long after the experiment was finished. How long did I have the option to escape this horrible cage but convinced myself it wasn't possible? Not even that but.. how long was I OUT of the cage itself but convinced myself I am still trapped?
And then it got me thinking: does everyone else have the same thighs as I do from THEIR point of view??? I still can't wrap my head around it. How long have I deceived myself & how long was I normal but couldn't accept it? Here I thought I was a freak but.. everyone else has thighs similar to mine? How? BOOM. Mind = Blown. And then I came to a massive conclusion: the reason I couldn't see it that way is because I saw it from a different point of view but those are same thighs just from different perspectives!! To them, they have about the same thighs as I do. The thighs I envied and wanted.. I had them for so long. It seems normal to them because it IS normal! And they'd tell me I'm normal. "Don't be ridiculous. You are normal."
But I'm not normal! I'd never hear it. THEY're wrong. I'm NOT normal. I can see it with my EYES!! How could they know better than ME? Better than what I see every day? Better than my own eyes? My own BRAIN?? They don't know what I know: I'm a freak. A disgusting, gross, disfigured, ugly fat freak who will never look normal no matter how hard he tries.. except I'm not. I'm none of that. I lost 100 pounds total. I should be proud and I am. Yet on the other hand I am a bit disappointed in myself. Disappointed for managing to convince myself that I am all those horrible things. The mind was a liar that has been working against me. The mind that I poisoned myself. And you know what? I was wrong. I AM normal.. and who knows how long I've been. I just needed a new perspective & I finally feel happy. :')
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2EW0JPB
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