I used to be an athlete. I played a competitive sport at a very high level until I was 16, when I got injured. I've always understood nutrition but I'd never had to pay attention to upper-bound calorie intake or anything. I was raised to make sure I was eating ENOUGH, not to make sure I didn't eat too much. Unfortunately, when you go from training every day to barely able to walk, 4000 calories per day is just too damn much.
I slowly gained weight from 16 onwards, and it wasn't until I was 20 that I started to notice and do something about it. I was 85kg at the time, and I managed to get down to 67kg in one year. I donated all my 'fat clothes' and bought basically a whole new wardrobe that I felt confident and comfortable in. Then I reached my final year of university and with my dissertation, post-graduate applications, and general stress, I gained all the weight back in less than a year. Plus some. I stopped caring about everything until it was too late. I am currently sitting at 92kg, the highest weight I've ever been. Barely any of my clothes fit, I'm down to 2 pairs of trousers (one is a pair of jeans that are definitely too small but I wear them anyway), a handful of old t-shirts, and some hoodies. Not exactly the 'professional chic' that I was looking forward to going into my postgraduate degree. I haven't bought any new clothes because to me, that's admitting defeat.
I'm running a 10k tomorrow morning - I signed up way back in March when I originally decided enough was enough and it was time to pull myself together. Apparently 9 months goes way faster than I thought and in that time, all I've managed to do is somewhat curtail my weight gain and stop gaining at such an insane rate. I've trained a little, and while I'm confident I can finish the race (sort of), it won't be pretty. While this is definitely a slight victory, it's not enough. And it's not what I want.
So today is day 1 again.
I'm going to run that race tomorrow. I'm going to struggle through it and I'll probably cry. But I'm going to do it.
Today I'm on track to hit 1600 calories. And I'm going to aim for 1500 from now until I see '65' on the scale. MyFitnessPal has moved back to the front page on my phone, no longer hidden in a folder because I was too ashamed to look at it.
I will fit into the clothes that are currently sitting in a vacuum storage bag under my bed.
And this time, it's going to stick.
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