It took me time to get to this weight so it's not gonna melt off overnight... but I'm in the beginning of my journey and it's hard to accept it.
Stats: f, obese, 165cm, sw:98.8kg (sunday, two weeks ago) cw:96.1kg.
Eating 1200kcal a day and these past two weeks it hasn't been difficult. Not saying it's easy, it's just not as hard as I expected. According to MFP I will fit into my old clothes around January 20th. That's great, I suppose, if I can stick to my diet till then.
But it will take me till January 20th to get to the starting line. The fucking starting line. It will take me tremendous effort just to get back to when I was unhappy with my weight.
I can't believe I let myself go this far.
I've always been overweight but after my best friend's suicide I just... stayed in bed for a year. I didn't buy any new clothes throughout my weigh gain, which means I'm basically stuck with a wardrobe of 5 pieces that still fit me, and 8-10 pieces I thrifted to have something to wear to work.
I want to wear pretty clothes already. I can't afford to buy clothes that will soon be too big for me, so I will have to make do with what I have for a long, long time.
If someone told me I could have my life back by January... that's supposed to be amazing news, right? But I'm not a motivated person, pressure gives me anxiety, goals make me wanna quit. Any big thing I've achieved in life so far I've managed by telling myself I wasn't serious about it, no shame in failing, no deadlines, it's just a hobby anyway, it's not like I'm really trying...
But I can't hide this from people so there is pressure already and I just want this part to be over.
I bought a (heavily discounted) handbag as a treat for making it two weeks and it only made me feel miserable inside because I knew I was buying it instead of all the clothes I could not.
I don't know how to deal. Please advise.
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2KKx8XU
No comments:
Post a Comment