I don’t really want to call my husband “unsupportive,” because that feels like too strong a word. “Unintentionally not helping” is probably more accurate but sounds clunky. Anyway!
We’ve known each other almost our entire lives and he’s always known me to be thin and active. When we got together romantically, I started a new job that doesn’t lend much time for family, much less time to exercise, so I fell off the wagon and for three years constantly regaled him about how I was going to “start doing better soon” and “get into running again.” He’s always been exceptionally supportive.
Now that I’ve actually (or finally) started, it is a totally different story. As I mentioned, my job doesn’t allow me to spend a lot of time with my family so he never wants me to exercise after work. He wants me to hang with him and my daughter. Okay, that’s totally understandable.
So I started working out early in the morning. I send my daughter to school, he’s still asleep and I sneak in a few miles. When I get back, he’s up and I tell him what I’ve done, what I saw, what music I heard, etc. I’ve been at it for about a month now.
Yesterday he actually told me that he was angry with me for going out for runs and not telling him “where I was.” It’s been a month now and he knows I only run up and down our main road (residents don’t like to chain their dogs here and I’ve been bitten/chased more times than I’d like to remember). If he woke up and I wasn’t home, he need nothing more than look out the window! I’ll be right there! He told me to “use the treadmill” which he knows I hate. The treadmill is for rainy days or when it’s too hot outside. Snore City!
But that’s just the exercise portion. The diet part is even worse! My husband is constantly telling me to “treat yourself” and always has some excuse as to why I should. I had a hard day at work, I had the day off from work, I had a fun day at work, it’s the weekend, it’s the cats birthday, it’s a national holiday somewhere in the world, his least favorite character on a show got killed off....the list never ends. It’s always something. I freaking love food and he just doesn’t understand that I can’t “just have a little.” I’m better off not having any treats at all!
We grocery shop every Sunday, and he’ll usually want to go to McDonalds first. After all, we’re “already out,” and “it’s a Sunday! Treat yourself!”
He is also always cooking up something in the kitchen, and it will undoubtedly be loaded with calories. He’s an excellent cook and baker, so it’s hard to resist — and he knows it.
But yesterday — the same day he said he was “mad” at me — he baked cupcakes. First he gave me one without icing, so I could “test” it. They were small, and I could afford the calories and I took one. Around 9 in the evening, while we were watching TV, he brings me ANOTHER cupcake without even asking if I wanted one, but this one had icing and he wanted me to “test” this one as well.
I knew he was already angry, so I didn’t want to push it and ate it without complaint. I still didn’t go over my calories for the day, but I wish I hadn’t had the second one. I know me, and a second will lead to a third. If he gives me the “treat yourself” line one too many times, I’ll give in.
I don’t know what to do! I’m so motivated to keep up what I’ve done for a month and I don’t want to stop! He’s making it so difficult though and I’m not sure if he’s doing it on purpose!
I’m not sure if he’s always been like this and I didn’t really care because I wasn’t working out and eating right, and I’m just noticing it more now because it’s frustrating to be tempted at every turn. Or... is he legitimately trying to sabotage me because he thinks I’m trying to slim down to impress someone else?
Either way I don’t know what to do, nor how to say whatever it is I need to say to him.
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