In 2014-2015, at 5’2” and in my mid-40s, I lost about 55 lbs, down from a very unhealthy 198 to a pretty fit 140-145 using CICO with MyFitnessPal. By mid-2015 I was doing half marathons; I felt great in my skin and with my physical abilities. I kept the weight off solidly for a year but always kept an eye on my eating because I love food, wine and beer and still had the desire to overeat.
In mid 2016, I got pretty sick. I couldn’t sleep from abdominal pain. I couldn’t eat most things and I couldn’t run without vomiting. After several months of tests, and a sedentary lifestyle and comfort food that didn’t aggravate my pain, I finally got a diagnosis and had surgery. A little pain still remained but I was healthy.
Then two months later, in early 2017, my department was gutted and I lost my job. I was fortunate that I had a contract that didn’t end for several months. So I found a new position and moved across the country for work. My partner and I were separated for 6 months until he could join me. The sadness of losing my long term position and being separated from friends, family, and community, loneliness without my husband, and the excitement and long hours of a new job - for nearly a year, these were ALL excuses to eat whatever I wanted and often to drink what I wanted too.
I eventually stopped weighing myself and logging calories because I didn’t want anything keeping me from comforting myself with food and drink. Once my husband joined me in early 2018, it was easier to eat well and drink less, but I had gained weight and returned to snacking habits. Another rewarding but very challenging semester meant more excuses to take care of myself the easy way - with comfort food - instead of the right way.
Now it’s summer. I started jogging again, and that is going really well. I feel heavy but I can feel the endurance building up again. But I know I need to build up those other good habits too - drinking more water than diet soda, limiting snacks, and, most importantly, logging food and weight daily.
In early 2016, I never really felt in danger of going back to where I started. I was wrong and I should have been more diligent. For the last year I kept telling myself that the unhealthy habits were a phase that I’d get over. Well, you can’t just “get over” the pounds that have been added as a result.
Another lie I told myself was that it was okay because I still mostly kept that weight off. Honestly that was probably the most dangerous lie. Because if it’s “okay”, then you don’t have to change, and things only get worse. Indeed now I’m only 15 lbs away from that high of 198. What else did I expect when I kept putting off taking care of myself?
Today I’m finally resetting to a new day one. Time to stop pretending that this 40 lb regain is “just a phase” and that it’s “not that bad”. I did it once and I can do it again. I just logged weight in MyFitnessPal and it says I’m down 17lbs. Sure, if you look back to 2014! Another mild lie that I could use to put off starting again. Nope, let’s just call it zero.
Thanks for listening. Will take any encouragement and/or MyFitnessPal friend requests.
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