It feels weird. It feels so, so weird to watch the fat fall off my body week after week. To watch the scale on the number lower. To see my clothes fall off of me. It feels weird having more energy. To walk past the snack foods I once used to grab and consume without thought at the grocery store. It feels weird being more lithe. Being able to bend and move my body in ways I truly never knew would be possible for me. It feels weird looking at an unrecognizable body.
I find myself feeling primarily two emotions while dealing with this weirdness: happiness and anger. I feel happy in that I am finally becoming stronger and healthier. I feel happy that I am finally seeing my real body, one that is not being choked by fat and riddled with discomfort and disease.
But I'm so angry that it's taken me so long to see my real body. So angry that I even let myself get so heavy and unhealthy. So angry that I thought it was okay. I look in the mirror and should be happy with my loss, and instead I look at myself with disdain, thinking to myself sure you're losing weight, but you could've been smaller by now. Healthier by now. Healthier already.
How do I cope with these feelings?
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