As someone who has been obese my entire life, I've become content with the fact that I'm ugly and worthless to a lot of people. Honestly, I internalized this at young age and tried my hardest to remain invisible. So invisible that I feel like I've missed out on so much and my life won't start until I'm smaller.
I was always the fat kid, fat teen and fat adult, which made me extremely self conscious, especially in social situations with all of my thin counterparts. This is one of the reasons I tended to isolate myself. For the most part I've tried to suppress any emotions I've had towards my weight(and sexuality) but lately, it's all becoming overwhelming.
I'll be 30 this year, which means I've missed the window of youth but it seems like all of the feelings of loneliness and unworthiness have found a way to come out. Recently, I actually went into the bathroom at work and broke down. I've never dated(or had any kind of romantic life), I don't go out.......I just go to work, the gym and the come home and fantasize about what my life will be like once I finally get this weight off.
I started my journey in summer 2016. I was 545 and I'm now down to 410. I still have such a long way to go and sometimes I feel like it's never going to happen. And I'm probably not gonna have a normal body because of the sagging skin I'll most likely have. Some days I'm optimistic but lately, I'll think about the life experiences I haven't had in comparison to normal people and that will send me into a depression.
Thoughts of harming myself have begun to creep into my mind and it's really frightening.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2MVbFgM
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